what's going on

I haven't posted in forever....
SO much going on right now. For one, I can't believe I've been married over a year, and now almost 16 weeks pregnant. My hub is a man of God.

And then I've been reflecting on my life....and why God has shown me soo much favor. I've made big bad mistakes just like other people, yet I still know that His grace and favor are on my life. ANd what makes it even more pressure-free is that I know I didn't earn it or deserve it, but He just gives it to me as a gift.

And then I think, Lord why me when there are so many women out there who can't get pregnant? What about all those women who miscarry? It's truly humbling, and I ran across some scriptures about the Lord blessing us in our mother's wombs, and reminding us to cast our cares upon Him. It gives me such peace. SO much that I can't even let myself dwell on negative thoughts. I don't know why things happen to other people. All I can do is believe that the Lord's blessing is continually upon my family, and thank Him for it.

Anywho, I'm ready to pick the guitar back up.

workplace haters

Is it arrogant to assume one has "haters" at work? I don't think so. In fact, I'm sure that almost everyone who is experiencing some form of success in life has at least one hater. At my office, there's probably NO ONE who I haven't heard get talked about at least once. But, some of the main people are the culprits behind multiple coworkers gossip.
And then, some women get jealous so easy over the superficial. I wonder if men do to? Why is it that people don't just appreciate one another's inward and outward differences, respect it, and be professional about it?
I wonder if I am also guilty of doing this to others--judging them when they are something I wish they weren't.
The thing to remember--everyone gets talked about, what goes around comes around. People will talk about you whether you do good or whether you do bad, so you might as well make it good gossip that they're saying and not bad gossip.
I'm not sure what I do to make people talk about me. But, I do think when you are confident in yourself, your abilities, your God, your appearance, some get threatened, and it makes you a target. When you lack confidence, people like you, and want to be your friend...misery lovers company. Sad world.

stubble

I have a good man. He is fun to be around. I love it when we spend Friday night together. I love it when he puts on the sexy cologne. I enjoy his bright smile. I enjoy when he puts his arm around me in church, or when he wants to hold my hand in the mall.

It's kinda weird when people are in a relationship with an opposite.

My coworker said her husband likes to go out ALL the time and she likes to chill at home, and go out every now and then. They find each other at odds because of this. On the other hand, I like to get out (not club get out) but leave the house, jog in the park, see a garden, go swimming, biking, roller blading, go to the library, visit friends and family, see a museum or the zoo. My pookie, however, does not often seem like he's in the mood for these things. I think he'd almost always rather stay in and read or watch a movie. Sometimes the difference can be frustrating...because when someone is your best friend, you naturally want to share your favorite activities with that person. But if they are reluctant to do so, you don't want them to feel like you are trying to change them.

SO where does that leave the typical "opposite's attract" type of couple? Should we intentionally try to find people who like the exact same things as us, or should we accept the differences of our significant other, and accept a life of experiencing things on your own?

I guess you just gotta follow your heart, and follow God. I suppose you can get your other female or guy friends to do the things your besty doesn't want to do.

struggles

one of my goals today is to learn as much as possible about the healthcare debate. since I don't know much yet, I see on tv and the internet (what the mainstream media giants want to disclose) that one group seems to one healthcare for everyone and one group doesn't. That sentence probably does not sum things up in their entirety. However,

I am fortunate, blessed, thankful to have healthcare through my employment. But, I feel for those who don't have employment (by no choice of their own) and thus can't afford healthcare. The unemployment rate is disproportionately high among african-americans, so they are more likely to be impacted by the lack of changes in our healthcare system. I know many black men and women that are well-qualified for numerous corporate positions, but have never been given the opportunity to shine in the corporate arena.

I am fortunate to have a job that I love, but I feel for the people that can't enjoy the same. I don't make a lot of money or anything, but there's still a sense of self-worth knowing that I can provide for myself, pay bills, and still save a little money for later in life.

I think it's an ungodly perspective to rally to protect "you and your own," "us four no more," to seek to maintain a privileged lifestyle with no regard for others. At the same time, people who have worked hard for their money and their belongings deserve to keep them...besides, "you reap what you sow." And if one has sown hard work and sacrifice, they should certainly reap the rewards of such choices.

I do wish that all races, sexes, ages considered the good of all when voting, and making political decisions.

life goes fast

I haven't hit 30 and yet I realize this. People in their 40s think people in their 20s don't get it. I think most of us get it, though some don't. Michael Jackson died almost a week ago, and it drove the message home for some.

Deaths do make you reflect on lives...make you wonder, what should I accomplish before I leave. So many people have day to day struggles, check to check struggles, so caught up in the hussle and bussle of Monday thru Friday that they miss the big picture.

The big picture is that God created us...profound, though redundant. We're here because God put us here. Our purpose is in him and for him.

Alexander Graham Bell--created the telephone. But his invention brought glory upon himself. Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity, which eventually benefit all of mankind. Yet, his discovery brought glory upon himself. We bring glory to God, are a reflection of his beauty, his thoughtfulness, his creativity, in our everyday lives.

It makes me not worry about tomorrow, about money, about cars. It makes me want to be fabulous, to have fun, to have unwaivering faith so that no circumstance can move me.

PSYCHO "b"

It's amazing what some women will do to get or keep a man. I remember in the 7th grade I had a crush on this chocolate saxophone player. His name was Jameel or Jamel or something or other. I had to get his attention....so I sent him quarters and lollipops....Quarters and lollipops. What the hell was I thinking? My friend Shenae said, "girl, you better quit giving him that stuff or he's gonna think ur desperate or something." Now what 7th grader thinks of things like that?

Fortunately, I have not given away any lollipops in my adult life, and still have a wonderful, mighty, awesome, sexy man.
But, what should you do if you really really really want somebody and you're afraid they don't even know that you exist? I say, if you have regular run ins with someone, and you keep yourself nice looking, that person knows you exist. Small talk about sports and weather is always nice. I wouldn't offer to buy a man a drink or take him to dinner, but a guy could do it. Or, maybe you should just pray that the lord sends someone along whose attention you don't hae to figure out how to get.
I don't know....kinda glad to be out of the dating game. If lollipops and quarters don't get it, I'm at a loss.....and dude never holla'd either. Didn't even use all those quarters to get me a soda from the lunchroom...didn't pick me a dandelion from outside....didn't get me a blowpop or anything.....BUMP YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Reflections

Why was I bad as a kid? Well, it didn't really happen until those tween years. I think peer pressure was to blame. I wanted to create a reputation for myself I guess....who knows. I just remember:

7th grade was the first time I was suspended from school...suspended for fighting Tammy. Funny, we hung out a couple months back. I got sentenced to in school suspension a few times--throwing food at lunch, skipping class; running from security guards, mouthing off, the list goes on.
8th grade I was suspended for helping a few other girls pull Deandre's pants down. I really don't remember my roll in that, but I thought I just held one of his hands......who knows.
9th grade I was suspended twice....I think both were due to "insubordination".....which happened to be the only word in the principal's vocabulary. ooh, low blow. I probably didn't break any school rules that year, at least none that anyone saw. They just didn't like the fact that I often chose my own way of doing things instead of the teachers who were sent to guide me.

They probably should have just given me better, smarter teachers that 9th grade year, who could have challenged me, and I probably wouldn't have had so much to say.

And then of course, were the times I found myself in trouble with the coach.....only because teachers are tattletales. Interested that it got to the point where they told my coach instead of my mother....probably a smart choice.

How many times have I been in a principal's office? I can't count. Why did the principals and security guards all know who I was? no idea...I wasn't a threat to academia; only to those who had trouble concentrating when an intentional distraction was made. I didn't smoke weed, or sell it; didn't have sex; didn't bring a gun to school....I remember on the last day of the 9th grade school year, the principal had me come sit in her classroom for the last hour of the day, only to make sure I didn't get into any trouble.


So back to the reason behind it all....I still don't know. Maybe it was a cry for attention; maybe my flesh really is an all out rebel, moreso than I ever thought. Possibly, I wasn't academically challenged, my mind was malnourished, and I had to create my own secondary learning experience. Sometimes it was fun; sometimes it was scary. If at the time the principal's could've beat my tail they probably would have, and likely would have enjoyed it exceedingly.

The important thing is I've grown up and changed, and the Lord helped me do that.